The most severe seizure I’ve had was while playing Final Fantasy X. For you fellow fans, I had just defeated Biran and Yenke and had started the trip up Mt. Gagazet. Suddenly, everything felt wrong. I just knew that I had already finished this part of the game, even though I recognized that this was my first time there. The sensation of déjà vu and dread were so intense that I felt the need to get up and run away. But I felt immobilized. Tidus and Lulu (two characters in the game) were suddenly in my living room. I didn’t know where I was, even though I knew that I was supposed to be home. Then tunnel vision, and I was pulled backwards out of the room. I heard yelling circling my head.
When I came to, I was still lying back on the couch, but my hands had fallen, the game controller was on the floor, my head was draper back too far over the pillow, and my neck hurt. I felt paranoid. I could not remember what day it was, and, for some reason, this was of the utmost importance to me. I couldn’t remember where my husband was (England) or my children (with their dad). I felt scared and stupid for not knowing where they were, but still not knowing the date made me panic the most.
Looking at the TV screen, I would feel déjà vu again. I felt myself slipping into more seizures as my surroundings still didn’t look real. I went to my bedroom, sat on the bed, rocked and repeated the mantra, “You’re OK. You’re OK. You’re OK.” I was still slipping, so I called my husband in England. It was late enough here that he should have been just waking up. His voice helped ground me and bring me back to reality.
But off the phone, I still felt unsteady and unstable. I stood in front of the mirror and repeated the mantra while looking at myself. When it felt too difficult to keep myself “here,” I went to the hospital. (I took a cab. Cheaper and quicker than an ambulance. And I didn’t want to disturb my neighbors at 3am.)
Apparently, video game epilepsy is a form of photosensitive epilepsy. Only 3 to 5% of people with epilepsy are photosensitive. And several factors affect whether such people will have a seizure in response to strobe lights, grids, parallel lines or video games. Sleep deprivation, fatigue and watching/playing too long facilitate a reaction, as do the usual seizure threshold-lowering factors of alcohol, stress, hormones and skipping your medication.
In my case, I had not been sleeping well. I was up late (past midnight) playing FFX for several hours without break. And I was worried about our cat who was sick and ended up dying the next week. I have not had another seizure around strobe lights or while playing video games, though I have always felt strange around strobe lights. I still play video games, but I take breaks, keep the room well-lit and try not to play too late at night.
