Well, that was short lived. I said a few weeks ago (see post) that I was taking myself off of Depakote because my health insurance won’t pay for it. I just can’t stay off. I’m not even fully off. I’ve been reducing the med so slowly that I was taking one pill (500 mg) every two days. But the effects are worse than paying out of pocket for the drug.
I’ve had frequent headaches, a full-blown migraine and borderline migraines for the past 10 days. My tremors have increased. My thinking and speech has actually been worse going off of the med than being on it.
The last straw was blowing up at my husband and the drive-through worker at Subway today. I just can’t do drive-through at Subway. The menu isn’t complete. I don’t eat their food often enough (maybe twice a year) to be familiar with the menu. And there are too many choices to make in a drive-through line. But I was driving my husband home from the emergency room where he was diagnosed with cellulitis in his foot. He was starving and suggested driving through Subway so that he didn’t have to get out of the car. Fine. The worker was, in my opinion, impatient with me when I didn’t know what I wanted and then when I didn’t know what my options were for “vegetables” on my sandwich. When I yelled, “Screw it. We’ll come in,” to the worker, my husband was so embarrassed that he yelled at me to take us home.
True, I’ve been intensely on edge, irritable and in pain while going off my med. When my husband was totally baffled about my behavior, I finally told him what was going on. I had not told him before that I was taking myself off the medication.
Trying to save my family money by going off the medication just resulted in upsetting the delicate balance at home that exists only when I am fully medicated.
It really sucks. But I think it perfectly illustrates why so many people on long-term meds end up perpetually going on and off of their medication.
Every time I’ve gone off a medication and had bad results, I’ve sworn, “I’ll never do that again.” And yet here I am again.
By the way, I’m sorry, nameless, faceless Subway worker.
